Heaven help me, I know...
So, I get this email a month ago. It was asking if I would like to be one of the select few to get to play the long awaited Hideo Kojima Silent Hills. That I was to keep quiet about it and be waiting in the empty parking lot a Gamestop at 3am or pm either one.
A dingy RV screeches into the parking lot and slams on its brakes in front of me. Out comes a very threatening man in a leather jacket, holding a barbwire baseball bat, and swearing a lot. He tells me to get on board. So, I do.
They throw a black cloth bag over my head for either social distancing purposes or to prevent me from knowing the secret location of the game testing site. We travel over many bumpy winding roads.
When the bag is taken off, I'm in a pitch black room. I yell to ask what's going on, but a big metal door slams closed.
Many hours later a small opening at the bottom of the door reveals a bit of light as it opens and an open can of what I can only assume to be dog food, by the taste, is rolled at me.
I lose track of the days, but it must have been a week and my cell is only occupied by me, my cries, and the empty cans clinking and rolling about.
A gravel voice asks me if I am ready to have my freedom on the condition that I play the new Silent Hills demo. I proclaim that's why I came in the first place and ask for some more delicious dog food, but with a spoon this time because I don't want to get the controller greasy.
Now, comes the bad part.
The game was rather lackluster. A pretty generic first person shooter, it turns out.
I'll give a few details.
Yes, you play as Norman Reedus. But Kojima being Kojima there's also another celebrity in the form of Michael Rooker from Guardians of the Galaxy fame.
Kojima has moved Silent Hills from its northeastern United States setting to what appears to be the rural southeast.
The voice over the radio is back but it turns out to be some annoying NPCs needing to be saved and giving mindless fetch quests with no deeper or interesting backstory or creepy lore.
The monsters seem to be mindless humans and nothing inspired like the original games.
Honestly, it plays more like a cheap Call of Duty than a classic survival horror or anything like the mind bending P.T. demo from half a decade ago.
I didn't have much fun with the game, but I did learn a lot about myself in that dark room with no light and only delicious dog food to satisfy my needs.
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