Hello and welcome to Post Pull Depression the only thread that wonders why Citra’s LB doesn’t fulfill the Evoke an Esper mission.
Before we start on the new banner, I would just like to say that I called that CG Charlotte would be a thing. I don’t believe that anyone else had ever mentioned it before me, nor would Goomie have made her if I didn’t say anything. So far I have correctly guessed/created:
We are only missing my predictions of CG Eve, and CG Zuckerberg. Get on it Goomie! I assume the royalty checks are in the mail? Probably with that FanFesta invite...
Now for the new banner, we are finally going down the path of releasing the Veritas not in the armor. For season 3, are we going to go a step further and release them all without their clothes? By that point I assume the game will just be all in with the lewds to keep it afloat. I can hard-ly wait!
Now let’s take a revealing look at the units!
Lottie Lottie 2 Hottie
Loli: Squad
Ok, so I wrote Lottie 2 Hottie before I actually looked to see that the unit was a little girl. Did I go back and change it? Obviously not since you read it. I have no regrets. Also, I just found out that Brian Christopher aka Grand Master Sexay, the other member of former WWE Tag Team Champions Too Cool (along with Scotty 2 Hotty) died this summer. I miss late 90s/early 2000s wrestling. Oh god, he killed himself! Great now I’m bummed out. Thanks, Goomie you know I mostly do word association for PPD and you did this on purpose!
Spoiler: Alert
As per usual I go over all the character bios to take things out of context (generally for perverted reasons), but then I go and see this However, misfortune would strike when she met her death at the hands of a thief. Thanks for the fucking spoiler! I wonder what’s going to happen in the Story Event now! This is the sacrifice I make for you people!
TMR: Gun?
The girl’s whole schtick is that she’s a loli gunner (why I play this game). Her sprite shows her holding a giant fucking cannon up to her head and probably getting tinnitus. So obviously her TMR is that cannon.
Lotti’s Robe - DEF+25, MAG+30, SPR+25, HP +10%, MAG +20%
Or not...
Regret: Loli
I do wonder why they sometimes decide to put effort into a 3* like Lotti and then dgaf about others like whatever tiger furry girl was (Merald?). Lotti has an hybrid attack for every element that also randomly imbues a party member. Will you use it? No, but it’s cool at least! Her LB does all 8 elements with hybrid damage which could be awesome for some elemental clear missions.
Makumedi Hey Macmedi!
Old: Man
A man of few words who is hard to please, when he does finally speak it is only to say obscenities
Fuck, yes. About fucking time. I was in a work meeting the other day with an old woman whom we all just met, seemed as nice as can be. Then she says “then you gotta remember the fucking post-it-note.” It was unexpected, and glorious. She tried to apologize for it, but I cut her off “I don’t fucking mind.” The rest of the meeting fucking sucked but at least that part fucking didn’t.
And fuck this Story Event, I don't think he said an single obscenity or really anything even rude.
EZ: PZ
Shot in the Dark - Dark physical damage (2.1x) with ignore DEF (50%) to one enemy
Dear Goomie, please continue to name skills after 80s songs so I can check off at least one PPD box easily each week. Love, Tom.
Shooting Arm - Physical damage (1.5x) to one enemy Decrease ATK/DEF/MAG/SPR (45%) for 3 turns to one enemy
Hold on, first why isn’t this skill named after an 80s song? Second, is this referencing the arm you shoot with, or are you shooting an arm? Should this have been called Shoot Arm or Arm Shot? We have Arm Shot, this seems like an upgraded version of that. Call it Arm Shot+ or Arm Shot 2: Shot Harder. I don’t like the Electric Boogaloo thing. I like my Die Hard 2: Die Harder thing so I’m sticking with that.
TMR: 40
Machine Power - Increase ATK (40%) Increase resistance to paralyze and petrify (100%)
Good. Let’s get all those 40% ATK materias out of the way now. I was just about to farm last week’s that gives 50% dark resistance. Now that status immunity combo is looking pretty good…
Regret: WIKI
Earlier I saw someone wrote something stupid about Macmedi at the end of his wiki page, it was quickly removed. I take endless joy of watching people fight over wiki content. On one end you get the wiki admins (always nazis of course) and then the random contributor (always an idiot of course) and they get so pissed about it. You see them rage like someone went up and punched their child in the face. Never gets old.
CG Citra CG Titra
Love: Triangle
Although she was caught in a dilemma for some time when the man she loved didn't requite her feelings, it seems she has finally moved on with her life.
Oh good for her, she moved on with her life! Did everyone move on with their lives or did some just move straight to the end?
Staff and Rod Research - Enables dual wielding of one-handed staves and rods Increase equipment MAG/SPR (20%) when dual wielding
Rod research? I’ll give you a rod to research… Just to be clear, by that I mean my penis.
CG: BOOBS
I’m sure when watching her CG limit break, you are focusing on what exactly she is saying. I mean, what else is there to really pay attention to? It sounds to me like she’s saying “Hideo”. Is that in reference to Hideo Kojima? Is all of FFBE just some sort of Metal Gear nanomachine fuckery? Or maybe this is what is Death Stranding is really all about. Can we get 5* Norman Reedus?
While performing her Limit Burst, she says ideyo! (ใใงใ), meaning 'Come forth!'.
Oh, ideyo. I grabbed that from the trivia on the wiki. I remember seeing a lot of really stupid “trivia” on the wiki pages but I can’t find any examples now. Maybe they cleaned them up? That’s disappointing because some were so bad they were good.
TMR: Decrease
Hero's Vow - Light: Increase SPR (60%) Increase LB gauge fill rate (50%) Decrease dark resistance (30%)
Nice SPR, but let’s face it that’s the meh stat of FFBE. The dark resistance is nice though. Wait… does that say “decrease” dark resistance? Oh fuck you. This is a 5* base TMR and you put a penalty on it? Go to hell!
STMR: Bad Rosa
Badrosa - Staff ATK+12, MAG+110, SPR+150 EVO 30%
Bad Rosa? Is that the bizarro version of Rosa that hooks up with Kain? Btw, how awkward is that relationship.
Cecil: “This is my best friend Kain. He wants to fuck my wife, has always wanted to fuck my wife, and almost sold his soul in order to fuck my wife. We still golf on the weekends though.”
Regret: Summoner War
The sad thing about summoners is that summon damage just doesn’t do that much. No one really uses it outside of (fail to) Kill Boss With Esper missions, and even then it doesn’t have to be the final blow it can just hit after so damage doesn’t matter. Skills that consume the esper gauge are just a pain in the ass. It’s great and all that evoke damage is fixed and bypasses phy/mag resistance, but do you really want to chip away at a boss for 100 turns with evoke damage as your only DPS?
CG Citra: ”Alright then! Give me your head... Pat pat. Don't expect me to do that for anyone else, though!”
Will you pat any head? Ok, maybe I will pull…
Post Pull Depression
Do you think PPD sucked this week? Well that’s because I actually had to do work at work this week. Terrible! That is not why I show up. I’m there to go on reddit, refresh expeditions the second they complete and write PPD. This is not what I signed up for! Now, if you think PPD sucks every week, well go fuck yourself. I mean, you aren’t wrong, but go fuck yourself.
Review Roundup
It’s Friday night, I’m here doing PPD instead of out partying like I would normally be (this is false). Where the hell are all the other reviews at? Generally someone has written one by now. Are you guys actually working at your jobs too? Is this some kind of epidemic?
It's now Saturday morning and still no reviews... did I beat them all? HAVE I FINALLY WON! IS PPD THE ONLY SOURCE OF "REVIEWS" LEFT!
Mwha ha ha ha! Tremble before my shitpostey might!
Owari da
And now I’ll leave you with this, my PPD Index just got archived for being 6 months old. Boy how time flies (1.5 years total). If you want to spend the next day and half reading PPD (and why wouldn’t you!) go check out the new one!
See ya next banner!
BONUS
Aileen the Weaponmaker
Eileen: “Welcome, welcome, welcome to Aileen’s Weapon Shop! No background checks required. Like I always say, there’s a weapon for everyone!"
Ovelia: “i need a knife”
Eileen: “Well come on in! You look like a newlywed, are you looking for a cooking knife to make dinner for your husband?”
Ovelia: “no”
Eileen: “Maybe for arts and crafts or gardening?”
Ovelia: “no for stabbing”
Eileen: “Well, your lack of punctuation scares me a little but I believe I have just the weapon for you: my prized Dagger!”
Garnet: “Hello!”
Ovelia: “... i’ll take it”
Later that day…
King Delita: “Hey there pookums! Did you have a busy day? I spent all day writing my memoirs: How I Did Nothing Wrong.”
Ovelia: “...”
King Delita: “What’s that in your hands, sweetums?”
Garnet: “STAB!”
King Delita: “Urk… Ramza... what did you get? Me? I... I got this.”
Next BONUS: Terra gets her TMR! Stay tuned!
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