Yes, yes y'all! And it don't stop!
Theme song for Power Rankings!!
Buddy oh buddy does it do my heart well to tell you that I'm bringing you this week's power rankings!
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10. Alex - 3 - 5 Big Rigs: Over the Road
PF: 991.47 (10th) / PA: 1097.85 (9th)
Over the Road, yea maybe because he's driving his team into the ground. I'm sorry, that's mean I want to apologize. It's just I become scared when I see a car coming into my lane on the highway, especially one that I face in two weeks and has randomly dunked 200 (interesting fact: Alex's two lowest scoring games (97.13 + 102.13) < his highest scoring game (201.91)).
We all knew it was gonna be this ugly, go look here if you forgot. Alex has managed to keep up to a 3-5 record and somehow it isn't a failure of trying. He's undeniably the waiver master of the year (James Robinson, Mike Davis, Travis Fulgham, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Jonnu Smith) and yet is doing this bad. Can a bad draft really hurt you that bad? Apparently so, and making a Marcus-level move like sitting Miles Sanders can kill you too. Honestly hurts to watch.
9. Justin - 3 - 5 - Death Stranding
PF: 1053.29 (8th) / PA: 1111.25 (8th)
You must feel like Norman Reedus trying to run around in this cut throat league.
The new guy and we love him so! Let's SKOL!!! But like the Vikings Justin has not been living up to the hype I gave him this year, and perhaps next year will be the championship run. COVID opt-outs and defense in disarray for the Vikings has become a traded Fournette and a hurt McCaffrey for Justin. Unlike the Vikings though, Justin is vying his way to a playoff spot and it seems to be a downhill battle from here. He faces 3 of the bottom 5 teams over the next 4 weeks. This bodes well for Justin, but he will need a recovered McCaffrey and some waiver magic to make it work. That and the sweet lord's blessings :)
8. Chris - 3 - 5 - Cyberpunk
PF: 1042.87 (9th) / PA: 1128.31 (7th)
He's Cyberpunk because he's late, HA! (Project CD Red mad evil)
Chris was expected to see Chris as a upper echeleon team with great depth. Instead losing Nick Chubb/Chris Carson has a nightmare and lost him two legitimate RB1s. And as we see in these lower teams, not having RB1s will cripple your team quicker than your QB catching COVID. A bad trade has also scored you an unlucky RB injury (after a stunning performance) and a disappointing WR. This has left moments for Chris where he forced to play the NYJ RB3 and Lions RB3 as his RB1/2. Godbless you Chris and your RB journey, this is quite a juxtaposition from your RB1 farm of last year.
7. Dalton - 3 - 5 - Far Cry 5
PF: 1093.14 (6th) / PA: 1159.91 (4th)
We've all seen this before, ever since the great game (Far Cry 2) they've been trying to replicate that success with the same formula (Far Cry 3, Far Cry 4, Far Cry 5, Far Cry 6, Far Cry 7, Far Cry 8).
Dalotintinarino. Listen here, I love you friend and you have been freaking freaked over by PA and injuries, but unfortunately my rankings are based on playoff positionings. Losing Austin Ekeler/Lev was a bust, but at the end of the day the runningback/flex situation was never looking great for this team. You have upside still (Thielen/Cousins/Watson) but it's difficult to navigate from here. I pray for you from here. The other thing is you have failed to put up over 160 the entire year, something only you, Justin, and Chris have failed to do. That's why you (and obviously Alex) make up the bottom 6.
6. Nick - 3 - 5 - Devil May Cry 5
PF: 1076.24 (7th) / PA: 1210.77 (1st)
Nick is DMC 5 because he figured out a way to take the ironically shitty things about his team and turned them into pros. Make fun of me for loving Lions players? I'll take Kenny Golladay. I'm taking a waiver pick up of the WR3 for the Panthers? Oh you mean the WR #11? Oh the rookie joke QB Justin Herbert? Oh you mean the QB #11?
Nicky Nick!! I love the boy and it's difficult to do him dirty like this, but it's hard for me to be comfortable giving him this spot, it really is by circumstance. You have to understand, Nick has been getting shit on and he has been only been doing slightly below average. His boy is hurt, his RBs are not linking it up on the same weeks, and sometimes . There's a silver living, that Herbert/Keenan stack is on Devante/Rodgers status and that is deadly as hell. If Robby Anderson can get back to form and Josh Jacobs can start catching balls then Nick could be the one to usurp the third place spot.
5. Mason - 3 - 5 Madden 08
PF: 1218.53 (3rd) / PA: 1168.43 (3rd)
Mason is Madden 08 because he has the classic franchise mode syndrome, he looks fantastic on paper, but you can't help it when your simulated Peyton Manning throws 3 interceptions between plays.
Mason has made some fantastic waiver moves but has a difficult time lining them together at the right time, on top of that he has faced an awful string of opponent's highest scoring games against him. Then add in a Dak injury and it leaves Mason in a bad spot. Luckily Mason has been smart with the waiver and late draft moves, Antonio Gibson/Chase Edmonds is a surprisingly safe RB1/2 floor and Antonio Brown (with TB as his QB(!!!!)). His QB 1/2 and WRs are what make me want to put him his high, I really do think he has a chance to take mine or Cory's spot.
----- THE LINE OF PLAYOFF PROBABILITY -----
From here on out if you lose your positioning, then you have GIVEN UP your position. Statistically (and match up wise) there is a low chance that any of these teams should give up their spots from here.... or one would think! Here's the kicker, all of these team 7ace off between each other FOUR MORE TIMES between them ROS! That's 4 losses that will have to be taken by people in this grouping.
4. Cory - 5 - 3 - ^ALORANT
PF: 1236.17 (2nd) / PA: 1187.59 (2nd)
Hey! This is a damn sham! Cory has put up more numbers than Marcus over the season with more points against, what gives? Well of those four match ups Cory has three of them. He must face Trent, Marcus, and Jake before the seeding is determined, which leaves him at a greater disadvantage compared to the other players in this bracket. That's right, Cory gets VALORANT because it feels a little bit like we got shammed with it.
Cory's team is solid having a #1 overall player in his RB/QB and having the #4 in his WR has gotten him to this point. It's undeniable that he has the recipe for a championship team, star studded players in the 1s and depth to fill the 2s. But, Cory has been unable to find that depth since losing Raheem. Between Russell and Kamara, Cory is realistically looking at a range of 40 - 60 points every week (I checked) from these two. Which makes it difficult when Cory has weeks with 51 points given from Rusmara, but can't eclipse 116 points. This being due to betting on the Cowboys WR core, which was a great early bet that has spoiled rotten. Also to blame is Mark Andrews having disappointed with Lamar's regression.
Cory has the safest floor of the league in his 1s and if he is able to waiver his way (Moss, Williams?) he may be able to save himself a playoff safe team. In the meantime he'll have to prove he can get production from his 2s when they are called upon.
3. Marcus - 5 - 3 - Earthbound
PF: 1099.08 (5th) / PA: 1132.8 (6th)
I'm Earthbound beacuse I'm some weird ass dude, but I somehow also happen to be a cult classic. Like Mother 2 I'm also kind of dumb.
My team is my team. Cam looks like he's disappointing and Zeke has fallen through due to the descent of Dak. Allen ain't looking great, Kenyan Drake is a one good game bust, and DJ Moore was a mistake. How do I make up for this, by upgrading all their asses for James Robinson and Cooper Kupp (my boy!!!). Also Tannehill is clearly better than Minshew and he saved me when Cam failed me. That's all, I hope I can keep it but I'm probably just as likely as Cory to fall out of contention.
2. Trent - 5 - 3 - The Newest Tropico
PF: 1273.39 (1st) / PA: 1146.42 (5th)
Why is Trent the newest Tropico? Because the first Tropico is no different than Tropico 6, and Trent's week 1 team is no different than Trent's week 9 team.
Trent has the most points on the year despite also having the lowest scoring game of the year. Weekly he is expected to put up 160+ and 320 over 2 weeks will win you a championship. He got here with some amazing depth plays that have lasted him from the draft. Over the many injuries, COVID run ins, and many other plagues/corruptions/hexes in the year 2020, his team has survived with his draft players. But eventually all wheels will creak.
He has not made a single waiver move to change any of his RB/WR/QB spots this year, he has only used draft players in those slots until this point. Luck will tell how this bodes for Trent as his rookie RBs are seemingly losing steam. On top of that, Mr. Trogdor has put too much trust into them at this point as Stafford gets COVID. Not to put salt in the wound, but last week showed where trusting your draft too much can hurt you. If Trent had simply played his waiver wire fill in (DeeJay Dallas over Johnathon Taylor) and played a QB over a RB in his Superflex then Trent would have won. The lesson is don't trust your own team- or anyone for that matter.
----- THE JAKE TIER, ROOM FOR ONE ONLY -----
1. Jake - 7 - 1 Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
PF: 1199.17 (4th) / PA: 940.02 (10th)
Wow Jake has done a great job this year! Jake has always been a classic (A Link to the Past) and is a favorite in all our hearts (Ocarina of Time), but some year's he's gotten weird with it (Twilight Princess). It's undeniable that he has two championships to his name (Wind Waker and Majora's Mask). Last year was a total fluke (Skyward Sword), but Jake has modernized his team and broke new ground (Breath of the Wild)!
I could go through the whole thing about how he has the best WR core, a true blue RB1, great waiver pick ups, or his undeniable charm, but truly Jake deserves this spot because if he wins ONE GAME he will solidify his spot in the fantasy playoffs. At that point Jake will become an omnipotent being who will watch over the league thoughtfully while pondering the best defenses to stash and which RB3 he will throw to the desperate starving peasants on the waiver.
The only knock we have to give Jake's team is that he gave up a great QB2 and TE1 for a WR1 while laterally trading his WR1 for a WR2. Regardless of the classic Jake trade stumble, it looks he's yet again on his way to the playoffs and hindsight is 20/20. Will he get 3 before anyone can even grasp 2? Andy Dalton $51 FAAB
All that matters is how you play from here.
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