I love Smash Bros as much as the next guy, but if the new game being made for the Nintendo Switch doesn’t include EVERY SINGLE ONE of these characters, then it is 100% going to be trash. Obviously, I’ll still buy a Switch so I can play it and find out. I actually own the Switch already but I’ll buy one that’s just for Smash Bros.
Anyway, here’s the list:
Goku The Cast Of The Jersey Shore Buster Bunny from Tiny Toons A PokΓ©mon Snap Station All Sonic OC Characters Goku The Elusive Bigfoot Claire Danes circa My So Called Life Alex Jones Eggplant Emoji Steve Jobs Played By Ashton Kutcher That alien robot Dr Wiley turns into Berenstein Bears (alt skin for Berenstain Bears) For some reason, a car Young Jerry Seinfeld Metta World Peace Knight Ray Man Billy Mays The Mighty Sarlacc (playable character AND stage) Waluigi (circumcised skin) Arsenio Hall Harambe God Goku The End of Racism (we apologise in advance that this character cannot be selected) Good Eats era & Cutthroat Kitchen era Alton Brown Zelda from Pet Cemetery Goku Erectile Dysfunction Luigi Sonic Chad Muska from Tony Hawks Underground 1 Dave Grohl Goku Mads Mikkelsen and Hideo Kojima M’Baku Samurai Jack Error from Legend of Zelda: Adventure of Link None of the Joestars The Crying Indian From Those Recycling Ads Bugs Bunny Dressed as a Girl Bunny Geriatric Luigi FDR in a mech suit Goku Former Daily Show Host Craig Kilborn Unlockable Character Silhouette That glitch where you can see Samus naked if you shock her with pikachu and pause at the exact right time Horny Single Women In Your Area Looking To Fuck The Letter H Goku CNN’s Wolf Blitzer A human centipede Link with a Gun Anthony Scaramucci That Same Homeless Guy You Always See On Your Commute To Work Walter White The Illuminati Goku Jar Jar Binks Drake’s father Honey Smacks mascot Hurricane Katrina Noam Chomsky He Hate Me Solid Snake Jessica Rabbit Sheeva with four tits Reunited R.E.M. Senator Armstrong in a Red Baseball Cap Barack Obama Mrs. Game and Watch The Person You Lost Your Virginity To The nice guy at the deli who knows what you want before you order it which really helps to make your neighborhood feel like a community Noctis Lucis Caelum The Main Soldier and the Main Creature from Small Soldiers Halo The Italian BMT now $5 at Subway Both of the Moms from Fresh Prince Busty flower from conker’s bad fur day Goku Kenan Thompson Final smash: NUNCHUCKS Hitler, but Like, Not in an Offensive Way Ty Pennington for Guaranteed Rates Old AIM Account G-String Samus The Cast of The Breakfast Club That One Gringotts Goblin That Borders On Anti-Semitism Left paddle from pong Mario But With Pancake Nipples Unsold DVDs of the movie Pixels The physical manifestation of the three-fifths compromise Joe Valentino From Great Neck Nissan Mike Ditka Eddie Murphy Eric Garland (final smash: Game Theory) Pinky and the brain Vectorman Steve Buscemi Jean Claude Van Damme’s Character From Bloodsport Vice Reporter Bob from Reboot Wario without a skeleton The 1989 New York Knicks Zelda (the boy) The White Guy In The Roots Bananaman Vacation Jason Some Minor Character From Final Fantasy That Everyone Fuckin Loves For No Reason Ethical Consumption Under Capitalism The Boss Baby The Paperclip From MS Word Yung Linc The General from those insurance commercials The Baby Dinosaur From the Show Dinosaurs Bob Ross’ 2″ Blender Brush Goku Master hand’s wacky cousin crazy foot A Child Soldier (sad, right?) The hand coming out of the toilet that needs toilet paper in Majoras Mask might as well include van hammersly while we’re at it The “do not blow” warning on the cartridge Fleeting Happiness Goku Tetris Blocks Afroman Fox Angry Sun from World 2 Desert in Super Mario Bros. 3 A fidget spinner A Five String Fretless Bass Ben Carson during REM sleep Stephen King When He Was Addicted To Cocaine Ridley GAME GENIE The entire polyphonic spree Arwing That Just Keeps Doing A Barrel Roll Rick & Morty From Rick & Morty Whatever is Making That Weird Noise When You Hold Z as You Start Up Your Gamecube A random baby Lou Albano Mario The housekeeper that always has to vacuum right in front of the TV while we’re playing Kevin Smith in an ill fitting batman suit Spock Cooking Dada (alt costume for Cooking Mama) Dad’s character stuck in a corner Sean Penn The Front Bottoms Megan Fox’s Thumbs Ruth Bader Ginsberg The biggest, blackest dick Seth McFarlane (skin for Todd McFarlane) Robert Mueller No Items Lootbox Splatoon A Guy On a Segway Brian Deegan Broodals Dune Sandworm (assist trophy) Serpico Only one ice climber Yoshi Andross’s Brain Goku Mary Sue Dan Harmon Arthur from the movie Arthur starring Dudley Moore Pontius Pilate Norm Abram of The New Yankee Workshop Marc Maron (his moves are all just talking at you before you get a chance to do anything) Clippy Alt: Mario’s Mushroom Dealer Kirk Van Houten’s representation of Dignity Biker Mice From Mars A Dusty Rock Band Drum Set Goth from the Goth Rave Video Wakko from Final Fantasy X Phil Spencer in a blazer Steven Tyler circa Permanent Vacation Dr. McStuffins My Uncle Who Works For Nintendo Lorne Michaels Wiimote Anne Coulter’s Conscience Maynard James Keenan Friend’s N64 controller that’s sticky and you’re not sure why Potsy from Happy Days Jon Bon Jovi Florida Man Detective Pikachu With Danny Devito’s Voice Not Goku Dennis from It’s Always Sunny Sakurai Christopher Plummer Tim The Toolman Taylor Sex Fox (Robin Hood but we just call him sex fox) John Waters Bob the Tomato Bayonetta, but it’s a person covered in bayonettes The Kenyan Gundam from G Gundam Berenstain Bears Nick Rutherford from Good Neighbor Stuff a.k.a. the one who didn’t get on SNL Jared Before The Weight Loss But After The Pedophilia Stalin in a Mario Outfit Archivist Toadette Invisible John Cena MechaSheeva 7/8 Nurse Joys Goku Some fine people on both sides Louis Farrakhan The /r/gaming Reddit Mod A Cease and Desist Order From The Makers Of Tekken A Monster from an Alesana or Bring Me the Horizon or whatever Shirt A Baseball Player from the Baseball Episode of Samurai Champloo Goku The Justice League Snyder Cut Kevin Nealon Katt, the hot girl fox from Starfox 64 The Cast of Hamilton IT The Prophet Muhammad The Avatar of Empty Nostalgia The Realization That Your Parents Have Had Sex Before and They Could Be Doing It Right Now RL Stine Dan Hibiki Nude Waluigi Wearing Only Sunglasses The Noid Emma Goldman in a mech suit The Song “Accidental Racist” Kramer Bubsy John Madden Lawrence Krauss Terry Gross S-tier Pichu Dana/Zuul That fuckable rabbit from Space Jam Eater X Paul Blart Sora Modern Metallica 2 Suit Samus Henry Rollins from the Def Jam video game Goku The Cast Of Pawn Stars Goku Bowser and Peach’s Horrific Love Child Pepsiman Temba, his arms wide A refurbished Wii U Young Sheldon Blue from blues clues The Ever-Changing Concept of American Whiteness Goku Action Bronson Scorpius from Farscape Masturbating Louis CK Todd Mcfarlane George Lucas Manic Charlie Sheen A BOSS Metal Zone Ice climbers fused with pichu Spike from Cowboy Bebop Every Wu-Tang Clan Member Except U-God Due Process American Badass Undertaker Agumon Reba as Colonel Sanders Master Chief Mario Lopez Fat Bam Margera Parker from Gold Rush Alaska Helen from HR Goku Executive Producer Dick Wolf Carey Elwes ‘The Claw’ from Liar Liar the Jim Carrey Movie Paul Ryan’s Spine Goomba Who Has Been Training All His Life To Avenge His Squished Parents Drunk Tony Stark Elliott Ness Scott Ian Michael Vick Farm Raised Pikachu HR Giger Porgs Dante and Randall Goku The Last Samurai The FBI Goku Flavor Flav’s Clock The Pod Save America Crew The Italian Aliens from Star Wars The Last Jedi Tom Holland Spider-Man Goku Abobo Jill Stein Vince McMahon An Inanimate, Empty Tanooki Suit John Carpenter Waluigi’s Foreskin Death Grips Wakka Mansplainer Mario on Wrong Kind of Mushrooms Chicago Police Officer’s Mustache Michael Jordan The Dude Who Milks The Cow in the 1 2 Switch commercial My Waifu Loot Boxes the personification of your uncle’s racist anti-Obama rant Time’s Person of The Year: You Mario, But After He Divorces Princess Peach And Gains 30 Pounds Common Naked Raiden from MGS Ernest P Worrell Young Shia LeBeouf Missingno Violent J Lionel Hutz Biggie Ghost Pepper Hot Wings King Eeeeee Paul Rudd in that Nintendo commercial Ayatollah Khomeini Garfunkle Goku Billy Mitchell The Beastie Boys Anita Sarkeesian Edd, but not Ed or Eddy The pinching your face guy from Kids In The Hall Nintendog the Bounty Hunter Goku Dave, but his mom grounded him from video games for a month Cooking Mama Shia LeBoef Leisure Suit Larry Goku Steven Hard Tim Fred Durst with red hat! The Broken iPod I’m Too Nostalgic To Get Rid Of Seasonal Affective Disorder The Demiurge Tupac Hologram Metal King Dedede Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit Odysseus Fabio when a bird died on his face Watto and Jar Jar (Plays Like The Ice Climbers) Crying Jimmy Kimmel The Nasonex Bee Racist Black Caricatures That Japanese People Don’t Realize are Super Offensive Dinkie Dino (Mom bought instead of Tamagotchi) Silk Button-Up Shirt Of Anime Character Goku Barron Trump Goku PUP Goku The old racist Jynx Tomi Lahren Member Berries Beat Takeshi Nude code Lara Croft A Rabid Nintendog 90s Kid Jew Cappy Slender Man (Obese Version) Gordon Ramsey Mikey Erg Kylo Ren including nipples WrestleMania 2000 Steve Blackman Tuxedo Mask Boner from Growing Pains Gallagher (King Dedede alternate costume) The Teacher You Accidentally Called Mom in Third Grade Bob Villa Quentin Tarantino’s Character ‘Jimmy’ from Pump Fiction Hallucinogen Dealer Who Hangs out at the Same Coffee Shop as All Your Town’s Teens Bob Hoskins Samus Only 90s Kids Malcolm Gladwell (unlocked after 10,000 hours of gameplay) Literally every Pokemon ever Trump’s twitter password The Duplass Brothers Any Of The Well-Received Minority Superheroes Released By Marvel Pregnant Luigi The Coach from Punchout Kirby But With Asthma The 3rd, 7th, and 10th Doctor Who Darth Insanius Animal Crossing’s Serial Public Masturbator Mac Tonight Tommy Wiseau Yoshi Getting Punched in the Head by Mario Slavoj Ε½iΕΎek Mel Gibson before all that Darth Icky Lando Calrissian Charles Nelson Riley Dr. Zaius Hard Times Managing Editor Bill Conway Del Close Raspberry Pi Emulator Running SNES Games Bowser’s Contractor Jonah Ryan Pizza Rat Cake Boss Breath of the Wild Link Chris Gaines The whole team from Major League 2 Wawaluigi Doom Guy A bucket of human teeth Red Blood Falcon Wilson from Castaway Checkered Vans from Middle School Tobias Funke Tim Armstrong Embarrassing Walk-to-Work Sweat The Property Brothers Ms. Carpal tunnel Jeff Rosenstock Goku Laughing Alexa Rain Man A Large, Silent, Orange Goku Mew One-and-a-Half Jenny Lewis reprising her role from The Wizard Crazy Hand Anthony “Sully” Sullivan North Korea (new stage) All the girls from Mambo #5 Stanley Ipkiss John Legiuzamo’s Character from “The Pest” A room temperature glass of tap water Pac-Man but as a Mii Mark Zuckerberg The kid banished to Hell at the end of the Crossfire commercial Glenn Danzig Collin Kaepernick Kneeling for the National Anthem A Stale End Piece of Bread That No One Wants to Eat Mario’s mustache Mario in that green boot from Mario 3 Ike Eisenhower King Bob-omb Emotional labor Max Headroom Goku Dwight Schrute Mario Toad’s Hat and You Can’t Convince Me Otherwise OB/GYN Mario Dale Gribble with Pocket Sand Birdo The Creeping Realisation That Your Parents Will Eventually Die Elon Musk Madcatz Controller An AR-15 assault rifle Pickle Rick Shitty Roommate Mr Game and Watch Oddjob Goku Corpse of Billy Mays Shigeru Miyamotos Niece The Corpse Of Glass Joe [Ice Climbers confirmed NOT in Smash 5] CATS From All Your Base Are Belong To Us! LOL, Remember That?! Unconditional Love A horse Donkey Lips From Salute Your Shorts Goku Pablo Sanchez Goku Tails Wayne Brady Union Scab Captain Falcon The turtle from Zelda but with Mitch McConnel’s head The Next Cloverfield Movie Middle Schooler in a Naruto Sand Village Headband Swedish Chef Tupac The Receipt You Never Found to Return That N64DD Acid Reflux Ganondorf but like similar to the way he is in the fucking Zelda series Seven Fire Emblem Reskins “Slow Hand” Eric Clapton Sonic OC Mark McGrath of Sugar Ray Entire Lineup of LA Kings From NHL ’95 For The Sega Genesis A Guy With Three Hands Holding an N64 Controller The Next Porn Star Who Tries To Become A Mainstream Actress George Soros Jazz Hand Gratuitous Girl In A Thong My Dad Spumpy Musical Guest Janelle Monae Brian Michael Bendis Arthur from the cartoon Arthur Those Creatures That Look Like Dicks You Made In Spore Hypothermic Ice Climbers A Virtual Boy Shovel Knight Mama Luigi Fi Flex Armstrong Toon Snake Crystal Clear Pepsi June 1998 Copy of Nintendo Power Uwe boll looking for a new movie idea NRA Spokeswoman Dana Loesch Wii Fit Slacker Larry the Cucumber Calvin Peeing on SEGA The band Save Ferris Fine, Sub-Zero, Stop E-mailing Us Dwayne Hector Elizando Mountain Dew Camacho Zergling Rupert Murdoch A NYPD Officer who nods at you when he sees your Cro Mags shirt Garth Brooks & Chris Gaines Internet Communist Captain Clickbait Fortnite Lucina (Marth skin) Jared Leto’s Joker Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration All the sexy hedgehog drawings from Deviant Art EA’s Integrity Dr Cube from Kaiju Big Battel Bobby Flay Michael Cera as Player X (alt skin: Tobey Maguire) The Underwear Model From A Kohl’s Ad That Guy At Your Local Restaurant That Says “The Usual?” When You Come In The Dam Level From Ninja Turtles Pregnant DeviantArt Sonic Mecha King Ghidorah X-Man Raekwon the Master Chef Jr. A misunderstood nazi Samuel L. Jackson Screaming Sonichu Jake Lloyd (young anakin skywalker) Rash from Battletoads K̶e̶v̶i̶n̶ ̶S̶p̶a̶c̶e̶y̶ Christopher Plummer again Mom’s Spaghetti George W Bush from “Bush Shootout” (George W Bush skin) Method Man The Crash Bandicoot suit guy from the Pizza Hut commercials The ghost of Roger Ebert, who still insists video games aren’t art Norman Reedus Puff Daddy Goku Vegan Bowser That Kid That Pac Man and Ms. Pac Man Make After They Fuck Each Other Green Boots (Dead Body On Everest) The old man from Zelda Waluigi Bizmarckie Blink-182 Era Matt Skiba Logan Paul Rocky Balboa The Pixelated Penis In Japanese Porn Uganda knuckles Dr. Robotnik (replacing Dr. Mario) Joey from Joey’s World Tour Ernest from the Ernest movies The Racist Guy In the Movie “42” The Poems from doki doki Buzz Lightyear Drunken Step-Father Alt-Right Wario That Orca Character From Street Sharks The 1972 New York Yankees Ted Cruz With That Gun That Cooked Bacon The Merchant from Resident Evil 4 Fat Suit Weird Al Goku Saibamen Divorced Ice Climbers Cap’n Crunch My Older Brother Who Will Totally Kick Your Ass! Ziggy from The Wire Koji Kondo The all new 2019 Jeep Grand Cherokee Misfits-Era Glenn Danzig Nizoral anti-dandruff fungus targeting shampoo Stan from Eminem’s “Stan” The Pizza Delivery Guy Who Doesn’t Judge Mike Myers and Kanye West 501st Legion Clone Trooper Nerfed Pichu Midlife Crisis Mario The Verizon commercial guy who now works for Sprint or something Kung Lao but with Cappy Felix Biederman from Chapo Trap House The C Stick Mayor McCheese Ol’ Dirty Bastard (as Big Baby Jesus) Ajit Pai Chad Kroeger (his super smash summons Scott Stapp) Alan Thompson Jr. from the Whole Foods Front Register in White Plains, New York A Catcalling Construction Worker Lizard Person (skin for Barack Obama) Black Panther and if you don’t pick him we’re telling everyone you didn’t like Black Panther Jack Black Aunt Beru That one guy who still talks about gamergate Solid Snake’s Cardboard Box with a Labo Logo Bob Hoskins Mario Polybius Arcade Cabinet Nora Roberts Shrek Duke Nukem Arthur from the movie Arthur starring Russell Brand Gandhi Bill Maher Just Alternating Between Saying “Invisible Man In The Sky” and “The N-Word” FBI Agent Michael Scarn Tony Soprano An original press Project X Straight Edge Revenge Siri Navi Illegitimate Bowser Jr. Nintendog Freddy Krueger but when he’s the giant snake thing in Dream Warriors Henry Winkler Master Chef Palette-swapped Clones of All of the Above 75 Interchangeable Fire Emblem Characters King K Rool Lanky Kong The 7 Up Dot Joe Camel Punxatony Phil
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