At the beginning of 2015, almost 5 years ago, I was very sad. I was bullied in school and I had almost no friends. I felt like life was trivial. I still laughed, but I felt like my laughs were empty. I didn't want to go to school (duh) but I also didn't want to hang out with friends. I never wanted to do things. I became sadder and sadder. This went on a long time. I have thought about ending it all (never attempted it) I was picturing my death to the last detail. I thought about what I would write In my letter saying goodbye and even started writing parts of it. My smile had completely vanished and I never laughed. Then everything changed when t̶h̶e̶ ̶f̶i̶r̶e̶ ̶n̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ when I searched for a game where I can develop a species from single cell organism. I found the game "spore" and I have been suggested YouTube videos. I really didn't care wich Video I would see, so I just picked the very first video on top. I was greeted by fekkin Loud "TOP OF DA MORNIN TO YA LADDIES MAH NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE!" (Btw: rip ears and headphone ðĪĢ) And only a few minutes in the video I laughed my arse off. I laughed so much that I almost peed myself. I actually did fell of the chair and immediately got back up. I watched the second video, and the third. And I finished every video of spore in just a few days. And I kept clicking videos suggested by the same YouTuber. And I binged multiple series one after another. I actually finished every series of interest in little a month. And I learned so much. You don't have to be good to have fun at something. You are valid. You are important. And I learned to love myself. When I didn't have anything more to watch he uploaded a video called "I DYED MY HAIR GREEN!" And I remember watching it after all that, that's why 5 years are estimated. And I started soothing my classmates whenever they felt down (at least I tried to) and I made some people feel better. I was still bullied (not by them) but people started soothing me. I found a few new friends. My English greatly improved since I'm German. And whenever people started bullying me I didn't let it get to me. So bullying turned down a lot. I became more active on Facebook and YouTube. And eventually yt suggested an Asmr video to me. Back then I didn't know what the hell Asmr was but I listened to it and it relaxed me so much that I fell asleep in my chair. I started sleeping better... But I'm rambling. A few years after my mom got cancer and after a year she didn't make it. (She was super chill and made lots of jokes about it) she told me that it's okay to be sad, as long as you will smile soon. Half a year later, guess what? PMA! And Jack said "it's okay to be sad, as long as you don't let the sadness consume you, as long as you don't get into it too much." And that's almost the same she said. And I like to believe that my mom used you as a way to remind me that. Over three years passed after my mom died. And you know what? I am rarely sad. every video makes me happy. Every time jack asks if he's a failure I am sad because I think he's the most amazing person on Earth. I will never get sick of your videos. I will never unsubscribe and I will never leave your side. And I would be willing to take a bullet for him. And I'd be willing to donate my organs if he need them. If anything happens to jack I will not get any sleep. And I am very happy that he got Evelyn. I wish him the best of Irish luck. And by the way: I bought spore. I bought subnautica. I played Happy wheels. And I will get Norman Reedus and his amazing fetus and I will spam like on every single object that says "jack-septic-eye" and expand Jack's Zipline network.
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